Self, an extract from our Inner Voices

They say our worst competitor is our selves. We dive into the abyss of our inner voices. We allow our identities go fade in the hazy water of our thoughts, and so we permit ourselves to drown in self-criticism to which we believe we have no control over.

“Just breathe” -- a phrase we often remind ourselves when we become overwhelmed. For a short moment, we get our senses back into rationality. We motion our arms towards the breaking edge of the water to the air so we can finally breathe. But our inner voices’ cruelty fool our perceptions. Just on the brink of liberation, we succumb to rest; we run out of breath and begin to drown again. The cycle goes on.

Our worst competitor is not our selves, but the water. Our inner voices would tell us so. These voices are reflections of outside voices being internalized and manifested into our daily norm. We absorb the antagonism from our angry parent, our childhood bully whose purpose is to negate our social connections, our displeased professor, our abusive partners -- we mirror these unhelpful voices and repeat in their magnified volumes the pith of their tones. In most situations, we actually go beyond what they verbally say and we imagine scenarios in parallel to what we have just experienced.

“You should have never been born.”

“No one will ever like you because she doesn’t.”

“You don’t know anything.”

“Why is this so hard for you? What is wrong with you?”

“No one will ever accept you now.”

We eternalise the voices of irrational fear and frailty. At such moments,  we must be able to swim against the currents of hatefulness and panic up to the breeze of the air so we can breathe in helpful and constructive varieties of equally convincing and emboldening affirmation from others. These are the voices of an author of a self-help book, a friend, or a therapist whose purposes are to assist us keep afloat and above the dangers of inflicted self-flagellation. 

It is above the waters we then see a reflection of our true selves and the growth we can achieve. We no longer deal with the uncertainties of our identities because we see a clearer image of ourselves; and so we slowly grow to have more objective consciousness. It is then we are able to evolve our spiteful inner voices to lullabies and songs of security and confidence.